When you see the word “relationship,” does it make you cringe? If you answered in the affirmative, you would be in good company. There have been many popular songs written about relationships, and most are negative. It has become accepted to claim that your past relationships were painful, negative, and even more, that the other person is bad, wrong, or mean, to name a few. If we are living in a society that accepts, and condones, these types of interactions, it can be challenging to shift that perception. By choosing to read about Mindful Relationships, you have shown that you are open to changing this belief, so let’s examine a couple of common relationship pitfalls and discuss how to reframe them in a more positive light.
You are looking for another person to “complete” you.
This is a very common part of the relationship model. We have seen movies and heard songs that all claim you need to find that one person who makes you happy and completes your life. So, let’s shift that around a bit, and look at it from another direction. What if you completed yourself? What if your life is so joyful that you do not have gaps in your fulfillment? Imagine a day in your life where you felt accomplished and joyful, simply because you are following your inner truth and happiness. Perhaps it is time to find your inner completion, because when we look for completion outside of ourselves, it will always fail, in time. Human beings are inconsistent, for the only constant is change. When we place others in charge of our happiness, we are giving away our power, and creating a victim mentality, which leads to codependency. Find your inner joy and fulfillment, and your dream partner will appear (but you won’t need them to).
You are living in fear of the other person leaving you, cheating on you, etc.
In a typical codependent relationship, there are fights and arguments on a regular basis stemming from this fear. If you or your partner so much as looks at another person with appreciation, you feel threatened, and you lash out. Your insecurity and fear creates that same energy in your partner, and you go at it. Many times, this fear culminates and one or both of you act out on this, making it a reality, ie: Cheating. So many of the pop culture references adhere to this principle, which reinforces our belief that “this is how it is”, and it is part of being in a relationship. In a Mindful Relationship, each person is secure in themselves, and communication is of top importance. The instant someone hits some energy (aka gets mad or upset), the other person can respond with compassion and love, and so it is not allowed to spin out of control. Both partners can feel empowered and gain more neutrality for any subsequent energies surrounding the issue, and eventually, it no longer has a charge. Shifting into a belief that is based more on mindfulness, rather than having the entire relationship based on a physical attraction, will also play a huge part in dispelling this common relationship snag.
Of course, there are many more pitfalls that seem to plague us in this day and age, but these two seem to be the most prolific. The bottom line is: when each person takes true responsibility for their own feelings, relationships become something different. When you can look at the other person and, instead of feeling anger, or pain, you can recognize it as an energy within yourself, you have gained neutrality, and you can shift into learning, as opposed to staying in the victim mode. This will prove to be your greatest challenge, and yet also, your biggest reward.
Creating and maintaining a Mindfulness practice is key for implementing any of these principles. At Pachika, we offer many options for assisting you with this important element, from classes, to workshops, to private sessions with gifted mindfulness instructors.
Please visit our Classes page for more information, and to sign up! www.pachika.com